Stupid Panera Lids.
Last night I made a quick stop at Panera on my way home. I grabbed a Smokehouse Turkey sandwich and one of those frozen coffee/caramel concoctions with the whipped cream on the top. Yeah I know it's high in calories but hey, I was weak.
Anyway, the dome shaped lid that they put on the cup has a hole at the top for the HUGE straws they use. Have you ever seen those straws they have there? Seriously, I think you could fit a dime down it. The dime may not touch the sides on it's way through. Gigantic straws aside, when the gal put the lid on that little brown cup of love, it "squished" caramel and whipped cream out the hole and on the exterior of the straw.
I left the store and got in my truck. By the time I made it to the truck, the whipped cream/caramel slurry had begun to run down the side of the dome shaped lid. I ask you. What would you do is this situation? Of course, you lick if off.
Now it probably wasn't your ordinary lick. I think I may have been really working the sides of the gigantic straw and the edges of the hole with my tongue. I mean I was into it. I must have been really carried away to have not noticed the two girls walking very slowly and staring at me through the windshield. As I finished and went to start the truck, I made eye contact with my 2 fans. To my shock, they both looked at me in complete disgust, rolled their eyes and made for the door.
Looking back I realized how that must have looked. Ladies, if by some strange twist of fate, you are reading this blog, I apologize for that display. I really am a nice guy. Oh and thanks for not taking a video of it.
Labels: comedy, funny, Waterloo
posted by Big Pappa @ 9:58 AM
11 Comments
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11 Comments:
Let me know if you ever end up going to prison. I'll request to be transferred to your facility. All this talk about tongues, holes, working it, etc. have got me worked up in a frenzy.
I gotta go, they are shutting the lights off in 7 minutes. Have to find my shiv here in the library. Tomorrow's a big day as we're going to throw down in the yard with some new fish.
Its ok to lick cream off the dome lid. However getting too much into it was your downfall.
Oh Geez man, that is funny stuff. I so wish you had a picture because it would have made a great one for jason's "give me the caption" photo thing over at Gorrilla.
BTW-- maybe you should improve your technique and the ladeez will look at you with bedroom eyes next time instead! LOL
Seriously. I've seen this display of yours before, but to subject others to the exhibit, and to go through and describe it in such detail. Is that necessary?
Something about this post is erotic. I can't put my tongue I mean finger on it. If I saw a man within 50 feet of me using his tongue to lick whipped cream I'd do like my mom's dog does with our neighbor's male dog- lay down on the ground spread eagle and roll around.
They weren't disgusted, they were jealous! :D
Yes, that was a day that lingers in my memory like the sweetest of perfumes.
Yet it crushed me when you didn't call the next morning. I thought we had something special.
Prick.
That "Andy's Wife" comment better be some kind of joke.
You suck.
Love,
The Straw
They weren't disgusted with you - they were in awe of your technique. It made them think of how deprived they were and rather than reveal that they pretended like you were fondling a statue of the Mother Mary.
Ya shoulda gone for it. An apology just makes it worse. :(
Thanks for the kind support everyone! I love you all. Even the straw.
You rock Pappa. I would've fluttered my eyelashes at you and given you one of those air kisses and a smoking hot Come Hither Look. You just had bad luck with the womenfolk. Some just can't appreciate an agile tongue. Mrs. Pappa is one lucky woman!
I would have come over and asked for a big caramel kiss. If they were a little older, they would have too.
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